Fuck has it really been 1.5 years?

I wrote this 8 Months after my 2006 entry and never posted it. – Israel, A Day at the Massada and the Dead Sea

Hey there. I’ve been royally slacking on keeping my blog up-to-date. There are several reasons why, but I’m sure you don’t want to hear any of my excuses. I do have to say that I’m in a much happier place in my life and writing is something I enjoy. And since you are taking the time to read this, I’ll try to remember to write as much as possible.

In the past 8 months I’ve had a handful of friends tell me that they actually check back to my blog looking for more information. I’m flattered, thanks y’all! Also…I’m going to Israel…again. I leave in a couple of weeks and I thought it best to finish my first trip so I can write about the second trip. OK…here goes…let’s see how fried my brain cells are…

Oct 21, 2006 – Sat

Today we had a new tour guide, whats-his-name. He was much more aware of what his clients needed. For example, he let us buy water before we started our day…unlike Jaime, who enjoyed seeing us suffer. Funny thing was that whats-his-name turns out to be Jaime’s cousin. They don’t talk much, but I could see that. Anyway….

Whats-his-name has a new gold Jeep Cherokee with leather seats. Which means he was making a shit ton of money. It’ll cost you a handful to get a private guide for a day, but well worth it… especially if you get what-his-name. So, remember we are in Jerusalem and today we are going to the Massada and to the Dead Sea. Yum! But to get there we have to drive through the West Bank, Rocket Country. It’s a desert, a very large and rarely inhabited desert.

On the side of the road you can see sheep herders living among their sheep under the scorching sun. Suddenly, I felt like we were back in Jesus’ time. We stop to took look over a cliff and really soak in how vast the desert is. There is even a real live Oasis, really! I wasn’t tripping and I was fully air conditioned from the car. Here’s a short video clip as we stood on the border of Samaria and Judea, notice no rockets today.

Then we traveled along the West side of the Dead Sea south to the Massada. We stopped at the Ahava factory. It’s heaven for a girl and a girl with a lot of girlfriends. I had to buy some stock in the store and got a box full of products to take home. The lotions and products are made from the minerals in the Dead Sea, hence the location and the yummy girly shit.

Once we get to the Massada it’s high noon. I thanked the-god-you-believe-in that it’s NOT summer and our tour guide had proper hats for us to wear. Manly because James and I had our hearts set on climbing the Massada. We are a few brave souls. The first 200 yards isn’t bad, you are just walking along from the building to towards the perpendicular ascent. As you are doing this tortuous event, the tram to carry those lazy folk goes up/comes down and taunts you with it’s humming of mechanics. Bitches. Of course my “athletic” asthma kicks in during the ascent. There are switchback stairs up the mountain, and halfway up I have to stop at every turn to catch my breath and suck on my inhaler. I don’t think I would have survived if James wasn’t there. James became my true BFF. When I stopped he stopped, and he gave me some confidence to be able to climb this beast. The final 50 yards is the worst. You can’t even see where the torture ends and every turn you think you are at the top. And that fucking tram, that tram is just laughing at you! At the top, I collapse on the cold slabs of Jerusalem brick inside a cave-like walkway. I’m sweating more than ever, and left a puddle under my stone bench… yum. Water is free up top, just bring a container. If you climb the Massada, listen to all the advice… CLIMB BEFORE SUNRISE! First of all you won’t die, you don’t have to listen to that fucking tram, and you supposedly see the most amazing sunrise on top of the Massada.

The Massada is amazing. It’s amazing that anyone would be so desperate to live on top of this plateau! The story is out of this world. I won’t get into all the details as I’m not a historian. But clearly Herod the King was nuts, a megalomaniac, desperate, and brilliant. Scared of the Romans, he found a perfect location to house over 900 of his people. The Massada is next to the Dead Sea, of which is the only standing water and is absolutely un-drinkable. There is no vegetation and desert all around. The ascent is 450 Meters straight up. So what does Herod do? Not only does he figure out a way to divert mountain rain water into large cisterns to save once a year for the entire year, he also makes two large (10’x10’) rooms for a hot bath and sauna. Yes, it took lots of water and burning wood. All of which are worlds away from the Massada. This was all built, enjoyed, and destroyed over a span of (can’t remember 9-20) years…. (told you I’m not a historian). So when the Romans came, Herod’s peeps rolled rocks on the Romans as they tried to climb the Massada. After many futile tries the Romans got smart and decided to simply hammer out a section of a nearby mountain and rebuild a mountain that leads up to the Massada gate… like a handicap ramp. Once Herod realized his doom, him and

his peeps committed suicide and only 5 people were found al

ive by the Romans.

(Holy stories Leggo style. This picture was not meant to represent what I’m sharing with you)

----today is 5/11/08--- I need to finish this day so I can go on with more entries. So no more fancy links or pictures just a description of one of the most bizarre events I have ever experienced.

The Dead Sea is one very good reason to go to Israel. At the banks, the beach is grey mud where you can bounce on it, sink in to your hips, roll around in it, and rub it all over body. The mud is supposed to keep you youthful and your skin super yum. As you enter the sea the water is full of minerals making it somewhat gelatinous with mineral rocks on the sea floor mix in the mud. So you can imagine walking into the sea is similar to walking in jello made on top of nails. And as you go deeper you might find from black mud, which is more precious than the grey since the location is hard to get to… and it’s better? Anyway the hot young Israelis work hard to get to the black mud and smear it all over their body, and frown upon the grey mud people. Now imagine really hot chics with black tits and drinks in hand try to walk out of the sea towards you… the whole picture with them, other people rolling in grey mud, others floating on water on their backs, some fat dude walking and falling in the sea, and mud patties held in peoples hands… it’s like a scene from a zombie movie. Awesome.

I have to run, I think I have that syndrome from visiting Jerusalem… I heard this is what happens when you leave.

Next trip is Japan, for work, tomorrow…. And I have to write about that!